The ad:

Popular children’s singing show is coming to your area
We need enthusiastic! outgoing! smiling! adults to help host their televised program
As their leader you will be given a magic wand (for conducting) and motivate the children to sing their versions of current popular songs
Selections include songs by Pink, Kanye West, Ke$ha, and Cee Lo (F*CK YOU)
No musical experience necessary, just the desire to work with children and love to have fun
Tell us why you’d like to be a TV star and be on the show

#1

Hi my name is Jamie and I’m 16 years old I’m very interested in
your show I’ve been told by pink I can sing after singing for
producers in la, I was also contacted by Justin timberlakes who was
interested in becoming my mentor. I’m still talking to him but I am
interested In hearing more from you.
Thank you
Jamie

#2

Hello!

Now this seems to me to be such a hoot!

I make my living by being in front of people and being on show.  I tend bar, and gawd knows, bartenders love the limelight. 

I don’t have a lot of talents as in acting or singing or the like, but I am an honest open spirit with few to no reservations and I would love to be involved in this undertaking. 

I am not actually looking to get started in entertainment through the usual avenues.  Heck, I don’t know what I would do anyway, but, I have an idea that this will be perfect for me and that I will be good for the group and I guess that is my strong suit and reason why:  That i want to be involved and experience all it has to offer while benefiting everyone.

Please take some time and read my website and see my face pic.  I will send you whatever you would like, if you are interested, after that. 

WEBSITE

Thanks so much!

Ronnie

PHONE NUMBER

#3

I’m great with kids and already know how to use a magic wand.

The winner:

Dear Child-Show,

I would like to conduct your gaggle of unorganized little runts. I was
thinking I could hit them with the conducting wand if they start
singing sharp or flat. Age is no excuse for poor singing performance.
You could always cut to a shot of a happy kid while the beating
occurs, or perhaps a beer commercial. How else will we learn about the
adventures of the most interesting man in the world who still,
apparently, has a bad taste in beer.

Your friend always,
Ron

The ad:

popular rock band is shooting a music video and needs extras to play air guitar
however we don’t want the extras looking like fools
we’d like an air guitar pro to show the rookies how it’s done
why should you be our air guitar teacher?

#1

i am what you would call “the best dam air guitarist you’ve ever seen”

i have never done craig’s list before, this post was sent to me by a friend…..i dont know how this works…but my observations of craig’s listers is that nothing ever happens besides crappy old junk gets sold by people who dont sleep in, and everyonce in a while somethings good comes of it. air guitarist huh? sounds awesome.

#2

I saw the Craigslist ad requesting an air guitar teacher, offering $500 compensation.

Rock Band,

I will punch the air with my fist, with the grace of a thousand knuckles.

People will kiss their lips when they sense the power behind my imagination.

Fuck to the yaaa.

Even if I am not chosen  as an instructor, it would be an honor and a blessing

to be in your video as an extra…

Nubs

PHONE NUMBER

The winner:

Well this is a funny post to find but suprisingly its up my alley…

I’m a local who plays in a well known air guitar band out of MAJOR CITY. Our name is AIRODYNAMICS. Feel free toeck us out online (face book, our website, etc.) We are all competitors and have competed nationally and interationally for years now. We all do the stage names, the rocker persona, dress up and do shows all over the country. We just finished up a small tour on the west coast and ended with a small role in an air guitar documentary with the best air super group from france, AIRNADETTE. So I’m not sure what the specifics of this gig is but it sound like it could be fun and more local music connections. Feel free to call, email or text. It all goes to my phone. Hope to hear back soon!

Fernando Miguel Juarez

The ad:

cameraman desired for january shoot
male on male
cameraman good with angles wanted
must be able to capture facials well
why are you the best?

Note: Ad was flagged within 5 minutes of being posted

The winner:

Sounds like a fun job.

The ad:

Wealthy citizen needs fulltime house waiter
Waiter will be required to serve all meals and perform various household chores (foot massage, wash dishes, laundry)
Looking for waiter with a sense of humor, color, and smell
Must be between the ages of 25-85 
Most creative response gets the job

#1

The job and pay sound good but what is going on with the wording in the add posted. I do not expect to hear back from you anyways so i thought maybe somebody should at least enlighten you as to how weird it sounds. Color and smell? Does this mean a black man that doesnt take a shower, a woman with a pungent odor coming from below. Nobody knows. The foot masage thing kinda freaked me out too. However i knw this is one of the best feelings in the world but my feet are just to knarly to let anybody come near them. Whatever happened to the most dedicated person getting the job versus

#2

My name is Juarez. 

Okay, actually it is Don…Juarez is my middle name but it sounds more suave.

So you need a waiter huh.

I am a great Waiter.         p

Fit the age range.           p

Sense of Humor?  Ha        p

Sense of Color?              p

I love to smell!  lol         p

$250 a day!  How many days a week?

I must tell you I pride myself in the service I provide and consider myself a professional.  I pay very close attention to detail and I am very meticulous.  Although being a waiter is a passion of mine, it does not provide the stability needed to take care of a family within a restaurant establishment.  This position would be in a completely different setting and I would greatly enjoy the opportunity to provide the server you are looking for.

#3

is this a real job  would you like a waiter  who looks like  hulk hogen  that’s me you should give me a  chance

The winner:

Most creative response..

Lets see, how about …GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU STUPID COCKSUCKER..

DONT YOU KNOW PEOPLE ARE SEEKING WORK YOU SHIT BAG..

The ad:

travelling circus needs animal feces cleaner upper
main responsibilities will include following around elephants and cleaning up their poop
we will provide all necessary equipment
however gloves are up to you
housing provided
great opportunity to see the world
why would you like to join the circus?

Note: Responses were received before the ad was quickly flagged.

#1

YOUR A CLOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The winner:

Dear Hiring Manager,

My name is Zachary and I’m interested in joining the circus as a animal feces cleaner. The reason for this interest is because my father was a acrobat and has been a dream of mine all my life. I would love to receive more information on this position, so in your earliest convenience. Please feel free to contact me at PHONE NUMBER. Thank you!!

The ad:

Music critic needed for indie newspaper
If you’re into the newest and hippest bands like: Neon Trees, Phoenix, and MGMT then we want your input
We’re looking for someone into movies like Donnie Darko and Twilight
You probably like to wear plaid clothing
Tell us why you’re creative and the hipster for the job

#1                              

Hi, how are you?  Let me introduce myself. My name is Jess and I have recently moved to NYC after spending the last four years in Boston.  Seeing music shows have become a sort of obsession for the past 7 years.  It really all started after my third Bonnaroo and realized just what seeing new and innovative bands could affect me.  I saw MGMT when they did not have a band.  I saw Phoenix at Bonnaroo during a midnight set.  My friend and I were the only ones that decided that skipping Phish was a good idea.  The show was the most inspiring I had seen all year.  It wasn’t until December of the same year I saw Passion Pit open for Phoenix that I saw anything better.  

I have seen many bands since this time in Boston.  I especially enjoyed Cut Copy at Williamsburg this summer and cannot get the energy out of my system from the Chromeo set.  At the end of the day, I have to say that Black Angels set at ATP in the Catskills was the best.  As I get more mature in my musical tastes I have been able to experiment and become more critical with my bands.  I really would love to start writing about all these experiences.  This could be that opportunity.  I would love to speak to you more about the opportunity.  

Best,

Jess

EMAIL ADDRESS

PHONE NUMBER

#2

I feel as though I’m the right hipster for the job because I’m not a hipster, but rather an open-minded music fan with hipster tastes who laughed at the fact that you used MGMT and Phoenix as examples of “indie music” in your ad. I have a passion for both writing and music and am certain I would be a valuable assett to your paper. - Freddie

#3

Hello,

I’m interested in being a music critic for you guys.  I’ve been called a hipster before (ha).  I’ve seen over 200 live bands in 2010 and been to 4 major festivals in the United States, 3 of which are in the top 10 in the world.  I was at Coachella, Bonnaroo, Austin City Limits, and recently apart of CMJ.  While some people go to festivals to see a few of their favorite stellar acts and enjoy the experience, I go to see as many amazing bands/artists that I love and a few newbies as well.  I manage a Brooklyn-based dancy, indie rock quartet. I constantly stay up-to-date with new artists and in-fact am currently in love with Neon Trees album “Habits.” Favorites of mine this year have been: Miike Snow, The Temper Trap, As Tall As Lions, Yeasayer, The Drums, Neon Trees, Minus the Bear, Local Natives, The Dead Weather, Band of Horses, Two Door Cinema Club, Mute Math, Passion Pit, Phoenix, The Black Keys, Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, and many more.  I’m constantly blabbing to my friends and across Facebook about exciting new acts, invigorating live shows I’ve seen, and sweet news in music.  I think I have a very refined and defined taste in music that many people will realize they’re aligned with and can relate to, bringing on a stream of followers behind my contribution to your publication. I look forward to hearing from you and would love to get something going.

Cheers,

Terry - Artist Manager

PHONE NUMBER

The winner:

twilight should not be assiociated with independant or creative!

The ad:

High end salon needs expert nail clippers to help in their pedicure division
Applicants can be male or female
Must have a strong liking of feet
Tell us why you like to work with feet and you’ll be considered for this position

#1

Hello,

This position sounds really good, I like feet, I do reflexology on feet, and I also cut nails on dogs and cats,

I am a female, I can throw in a relaxing massage on each toe after I cut the nails.

Let me know

Thanks

Gwyn

#2

Well

I’ve Clipped the best and I’ve clipped the worst…. There’s not a nail too ugly for me!!!

Hello…my name is Sarah. I’m a very fun and outgoing person.. I love to have fun and make work exciting!! If you gave me the opportunity to join your team.. It would be the best team EVER!!

So, let set something up!!  Lets git’er cut!

Sarah

#3

To whom this may concern:

I would like to be considered for this position.
Im sociable, coachable with a bright personality and colorful style.
Also Very outgoing, honest and reliable with a beautiful smile.  I was big on having beautiful feet at one point in my life.
Always took care of mines, getting pedicures, massages,polish, etc.. Being a dancer made my feet mediocre. Maintaining beautiful feet on your own is not easy, and for some who may cant even reach there toes i would love to help. I once read a survey was done on “What is one of the first things/feature a man admires/likes about woman?” Ans: Beautiful feet!  So I don’t mind clipping people’s toenails, beautiful feet makes people happy.  My grandmother ALWAYS made me clip hers, lol. Anyway if hired i would do it to the best of my ability. So if your looking for someone that’s doesn’t mind doing this type job, then you can contact me at PHONE NUMBER.
 
Thank you for your time and consideration as i await yor response.
 
Thank you and have a great day!
 
Jamie

The winner:

To Whom It May Concern,

To answer your question of why I would enjoy working with feet? Well for me it’s a GREAT opportunity to SERVE! I get my joy in working in areas where I can always serve someone. If you understand the symbolic significance of serving someone’s feet, then you’ll see that it’s truly an “honorable” position with a humble twist on humility and submission. Historically monarchs (Kings, Queens, etc), Cardinals and Popes had people bow to their feet and kiss them. There’s also the biblical example of the woman washing Christ’s feet with her hair and Christ himself washing the disciple’s feet. Way back in 1980 I was introduced into the “shoe business” by Kinney Shoes and Thom McAn. those where the days a shoe salesman would kneel down and take off your shoes and try the ones you wanted to buy on you! I did that with gusto! I frequently shave my girlfriend’s legs, clip her toenails and paint them and do an occasional pedicure on her as well. So this job would be for me a GREAT fit just like a shoe to a foot. Enclosed is my resume in Word format for your review and consideration. I do look forward to a possible interview at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely

Fernando

The ad:

delicious coffee shop with beautiful storefront is looking for models to sleep overnight in front windows
sleeping models will be visible to the public and work/sleep from the hours of 10pm until opening at 6am
this is part of our “coffee 24/7” campaign
everybody sleeps, why not get paid to do it?
perfect for cafferine addicts - as we will feed your need for free
give us the most clever reason you’d like to be part of our campaign
creativity goes hand in hand with coffee
only two lucky coffee afficionados will be selected

#1

My name is Felice and I am 26 years old. I would love to sleep in that beautiful storefront window. Ever since I saw the movie “Mannequin”, I wanted to be a model and sleep in the store front window, only to come to live and look good. Contact me at my email address or my cell phone @ PHONE NUMBER…Thanks

#2

Hello!

I would be perfect for your campaign! 

My name is Nikki. I am 27, and a professional Figure Model ( I pose in the nude/costume for artists) 

I can’t live without coffee when I work. I have a special talent that I have honed, and that is sitting very

still for long periods of time on coffee. Without blinking. We are talking 15 minutes here sometimes.

I have found that a 1/2 cup of coffee will last me about 25 mins. and then I start to crash. I work with

a timer all day so I know these things!

I would like to see how your coffee stands up to the test…..

So, if you are looking for someone who is used to having people stare at them, who loves coffee,

and loves to sleep then that is me!

Please take a look at me here

WEB SITE

I am also on FB, Myspace

Red hair, pale, 5’4, awesome pretty much :)

Thank you!

-Nikki

#3

Hello.My name is natasha.I’m 22 from Romania.Gorgeous girl,smart,great attitude
and very easy to work with.I am interested in being the window model.Why select
me?Because i’m good at sleeping…:)..Here i attached a few pictures of
mine.Please let me know if interested.Thank yo

#4

Oh, my gosh. This sounds like so much fun!!!

I am totally on board. 

WHY?

because I have a list of weird jobs I have held and this one would make it complete (for now):

+Clown

+Christmas tree decorator

At least minimum wage, yes?

pic here: (I don’t always have great lighting and a great angle, but it does look like me if I have those two things- no photoshop:)

WEB SITE

PHONE NUMBER

woohoo!

The winner:

To Whom it May Concern:

I would like to be considered for the position as a coffee shop, sleeping, window model. I am sure you’ve received dozens of hits on this post so let me tell you what I bring to the table:
A. I am gorgeous
B. I love both sleeping and coffee, although they are conflicts of interest.
C. (Most Important) I did a brief stint as a coffee house security guard in college and feel I would bring some much needed added protection to your establishment. Plus, burglarers would never expect a window model to thwart their efforts.
D. In regards to C- I do understand your concerns on my ability to offer security while sleeping. Don’t worry.. I always sleep with one eye open.

Sincerely and Hopefully,

Samuel

The ad:

Tiger cage cleaner needed a zoo
No specialized cleaning experience required
Just like cleaning up after a cat, but only bigger
Tiger occassionally gets aggressive
We will provide body armor
Why would you like this position?

#1

Hello I’m interested in the position if it’s still available I’m vary
interested in animals not afraid of them at all watch animal planet
all day seems Like and exciting job being close up with an wild animal
for the first time.

#2

Yess ido. I need tools.  One. M 16. 7 cherger.  Mabe.  Ak 47.  Is. Good.   One broom.  You. Ready.
Toll me. Now.

#3

Hi,I’m interested.Please let me known if you still need someone.I’m interested for the money and I like felines.
Thank you,
Phil

#4

i hope this add is not a hoax because i could classify this employment opportunity as a dream job for myself.  my name is jerry, ill try to briefly give some info on myself as well as explain why i am so interested.  i have always loved animals and have the ultimate respect for those that are not domesticated.  my career ambitions from an early age have always been to be a proffessional athlete and veteranarian.  i attended james madison university as a health science major however extenuating circumstances resulted in my leaving school before i could complete my degree and apply for veteranary school.  i just appreciate animals.  some aspects of my other interests translate well to this position.  i competed in alpine ski racing from amature to proffessional, including downhill( speeds in excess of 65 m.p.h.).  for the last 5+ years i have done tree work, in fact today i was over 75 feet up in the air in a gigantic oak tree opperating a chainsaw.  point being i have alot of experience in high pressure high intensity situations where your life is a stake,  you must keep your head to survive.  i have always been obsessed with my fitness and am in the physical condition necessary to handle the possible delimas that could occur.  just to be able to be this close to a specie of this magnitude is a golden opportunity.  please at least give me an opportunity to interview.  i was born and raised in the area, still live in CITY, and have frequented the national zoo over the years.  you can contact me @ PHONE NUMBER or email.  thank you for your consideration.        

The winner:

REALLY ? I would love a position like this , if this is serious let me know.
I must however inspect and TRUST this so-called body armor and of course make sure the KITTY CATS did not dislike me.
Let me know if this is a big JOKE or not.
VERY CURIOUS (kinda like cat),
Charlie

The ad:

Your parents are fattening you up and will eat you when you turn 12.
Your teacher’s a space alien and next field trip you’re going home with her.
Your closet is home to a purple people eating monster that will suck your brain out when you open it.
Do you enjoy telling little children terrifying stories like this?
If so, this is the job for you.
The Late Night Kiddie Scary Story Hotline is the perfect number for parents to call to put fear in their kids and get them to bed.
As a storyteller you would tell dramatic, scary stories to children callers.
Work from home!
Only Freddy Krueger types need apply.
Tell us why you’d like to work for us.

#1

I have been an entertainer for my entire life, from unicycling and stiltwalking in parades and festivals to dancing, gymnastics and singing. I am over the top and fun, but I also get very into my character and can stir up some very dark and evil stories. I love storytelling, and have experience as a telephone fortune reader telling people the stories of their pasts and futures. Other phone experience: 2 different telephone customer service jobs. Let me know :) Do I think up my own stories or read classics? What are the appropriateness guidelines?

#2

Good evening,

 I love telling stories and I am 6’ 7” 250 lbs , so naturally I have a very deep and intimidatng voice. I am truly convincining with strong anunciating skills and a very spooky laugh. I would love to learn more about this position. Look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks

Rob

#3

Greetings,

My name is Marty, also known as Marty the Monster. For over a decade I have horrified children and adults with terrifying tales of the mad and macabre on The Ghosts & Gravestones Tour of CITY and of late, on The MID-EAST CITY Night Tour. Scary storytelling is truly one of those things that keeps me clinging to this world.

Each winter I ,unfortunately, find myself crawling back into my grave. Silently spending those dismal days waiting…waiting… to once again emerge, shake off the worms, and continue my mission to give the living nightmares.

Then I read your delightful posting on Craigslist. I would absolutely die, again, for the opportunity to fill the brains of children with fear all the year round.

Please read my attached resume of abhorrent experience. I also dare you to read what my latest victims said at SCARY WEBSITE. All you have to do is click on the “Testimonials” page to see their last thoughts.

I look forward to your reply so that we may conspire together and horrify the little ones further…

Be careful crossing the street,

Marty

The winner:

I would be great a scaring little kids. my mother runs a daycare and all i do is terrify the living snot out of those kids before they take their naps, it usually keeps them quite and lets mother relax for as long as need.